Friday, May 16, 2014

More Thoughts on Newness

"Celebrate endings - for they precede new beginnings."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

My shoe closet is calling to me. 

Spring does this to me. Sometimes I picture God above us all, contemplating another snow storm, finally shaking His head and relenting, and sending us flower blooms instead. It makes me feel happier than happy, as if the warm air is stretching out to embrace me, and the gentle wind hugs me softly. 

So I do what I do when I am happy- I throw things away.

See, there is a comfort to things that we hold onto. We call old ratty blankets lucky, ugly sweaters from different decades nostalgia, broken furniture from our grandparents homes vintage. We rummage throw flea markets looking through junk, trying to see what we can clean up, varnish, paint, rebuild, or somehow reuse- we like to make the old things new. It's almost like we believe if we can somehow manage to recycle something from another time, we might bring back the good things and memories that came with it. We have a desire to replicate the best in our objects.

I am very guilty of this when the weather is cold. I refuse to get rid of my summer things no matter how ratty or torn they are. Subconsciously, perhaps, I believe if I let go of them, summer will never return. Or I'll forget all the warmth of before. Which is, in reality, crazy, but that is somehow an assessment I can only bring myself to make after the weather hits 55 degrees.

Which brings me back to my shoe closet. Because now that we are consistently seeing warm weather, I'm suddenly aware of how ratty last year's flats are. And how bad my old sneakers actually smell. And the superglued Toms... You get the idea. All these old shoes that I've kept that I know need to be removed from my life, and still I've waited until now to do it.

I guess maybe the thing about Spring that makes me want to clean is the natural newness. Maybe I see God's creations sparkling with freshness around me and feel the need to mimic His wonder. Maybe the revival of plants reminds me that resurrection is not a human construct, but a piece of a grander design that was imagined by a magnificent artist. I am inspired to remember that we cannot live in what has been, and that there is an excitement in the reality of a new season- of new memories to be made.

I wonder what else I am holding on to that I need to remove the tether from- if material things can so easily grab my allegiance, other things may be holding it too. I want this Spring to be a time of cutting bonds and starting fresh. I want to be reminded that my old life has no hold over me now.

I want to be new. 

And I'm looking forward to this time of seeing exactly what that will look like. So I'll start by throwing out some old shoes. And then I'll be looking into other things that have kept me. Until one day, I am looking at my place in the world with the eyes of a baby: fresh, innocent, and fearless. Like a new flower, bursting through at the beginning of this season, waiting for whatever the world brings next.

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