Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well."
I am a very difficult person to get along with sometimes. If you don't believe me, then a)you don't know me very well, or b)you haven't talked to those close to me lately. I can be stubborn, hard-hearted, and honesty is not a problem for me- the problem is learning to consider what I say before I say it. And I do not show or receive love the way others do.
Some people need the people who love them to tell them so- frequently. I am terrible at this. I have a bad habit of losing contact for long periods of time even with those I care most about. It doesn't mean I don't love you, and that when we get together, I won't want to spend time with you and pick up where we left off. I just don't need to be in touch all the time.
Some people need things to know that they are loved. They like to get presents. They like to be surprised. I hate surprises. And honestly, read through my feelings on things in the last few posts and decide how well I do with presents. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to get a token of affection every now and then, but if these are too frequent, I feel very uncomfortable.
Some people feel most loved when others can anticipate how they feel. This one actually really bugs me. I don't like being told how I'm feeling, even if you're right. I want to go through it, and if I want to tell you, I will, and if I don't want to tell you, I won't.
See? I told you. Difficult.
But despite myself, I feel a great calling for love in the world. I am on a mission to let all people know that flaws are okay to have, because someone out there loves them greatly. Enough to know them... enough to save them. And I try to love them too.
God, in His grace, knew that I was going to be difficult when He made me. And foreseeing who I would be, He concocted ways to get through to me- in love languages I would understand.
Some of those languages include:
the sunset: I can feel my soul slowing to a halt when the sun starts to drift into the horizon. The whole world becomes still, even for a second, and it's as if I can hear God in my heart telling me how much he cares.
music: Do you ever hear a song and feel like it was written directly to you? I feel this way all the time. It's as if musicians understand what I am going through and put them into their lyrics, their chords, and their melodies. And none of them even know me.
prayer: God is a very good listener. He lets me vent as often as I want. He doesn't judge, doesn't condemn, and really only gives advice when I ask. It's exactly what I need. And I can cry and scream and yell and pout and he doesn't get tired. He just keeps listening. I feel loved when someone listens.
God knew that I would be a difficult person, and He was ready. He meets me when I need him. And even if you don't believe in Him, He'd meet with you too. If you ask Him too, he'll find you. I know, because that's how He found me in the first place. He knew what I needed, and He made it work, despite it's strange nature.
Now that is love.